Rambling on.

Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone gives you courage.

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. 

Silence is a source of great strength  -Lao Tzu

In my heart all I truly is want is love. It's been awhile since I've had someone by my side to tell me "I love you". Even though I've been in one serious relationship, it was the type were we knew we loved each other but never said a word. When I would try to tell him how I felt I was just shoved aside or rather that conversation was almost and always ignored. Other boys who've had my heart and attention for a brief moment let me go within the first three months. It never fails, I've always called it the three month curse, because no one would stay with me longer than that. I'm not aware of the real reasons they broke my heart but it was all the same story. The classic "it's not you, it's me" type of break-up. Damn was that so annoying to hear, no guy could every give me a real reason to why I wasn't the one.

I've been thinking about relationships since I never had real one. Never had one for any holiday especially Valentine's or my birthday. My love is not something anyone can have. I still wonder why guys seem to look pass me but I tend to look pass some guys because I know they don't deserve me. Its kinda hard to know who is the one for you and who isn't. I invest my time and heart to one and seem to get hurt. Maybe I shouldn't really be trying or looking but I haven't, never do. I wish I could say the man I will marry is already in my life but the truth is I really don't know.

All my thoughts of this is because since I'm pregnant, I just wish it would be with someone who would be there with me. The guy who knocked me up is a good guy and I know he can be. He just chooses to run from this rather than take responsibility. I can't change his mind though I wish I could. He told me "Belle, I'm not in love with you" and just hearing or rather reading that pissed me off. I never once said for him to love me. I just want him to be there. His heart belongs to another but that doesn't mean this child deserves to be ignored. He doesn't even care and that's what hurts the most.