:update

I finally know the sex of my baby, and it's going to be a boy. Now that makes it a bit tougher on giving it up only for the fact that I wanted my first child to be a boy. I wish I could say I'm excited to have a baby boy, don't get me wrong I am, but I'm not going to raise this child. Some other woman will hold him when falls and cries, read him bedtime stories, run with him, tickle him, and he will call her mommy, not me. It breaks my heart knowing I won't be able to provide for my baby. I just hope that one day when he learns he is adopted, he won't hate or despise me for my decision.

I feel him move when I am sitting up, standing up and laying down. He wakes when I wake in the morning. Swimming around 'till I get up. It a human life inside, a baby, how strange it is to have a baby. I feel bad about adoption, I think since my uncle and dad somehow make me feel bad. I know adoption is the right decision but I wish I could keep this baby. I was talking to my dad the other night and I was talking to him about adoption. And it seemed like everything I said he had something to say about, like in a non-supportive way. I'm not really sure how to describe it.

I have alot to think about.