big news: really

Sometimes life throws you surprises you thought you would never be the one going through it. I right now I find myself in that situation. All last night I was mess I keep crying over something I knew I could not change and I wish (the person) would just come around. For those of you who read this your probably my friends who I know personally. I keep running sentences in my head wondering how I would bring this up and yet I guess I don't have the balls to just come forth and say it. So this is the first part on letting you all know. I'm pregnant...going on about 3 1/2 months almost four. It's crazy I had no idea I was I guess you can say the months without getting my period would be big clue. But honestly it totally slipped my mind. There were bigger issues dealing with this pregnancy and most are settled but the main one will still remain a issue. I guess the reason for me trying to hide it as long as I could has to deal with the ass** who doesn't want any part of this. He's not in love with, just doesn't want a kid, doesn't even want to see me pregnant. Whatever his reasons are for not wanting any part I can try to understand and I do. I just hard gonna have to say the guy who knocked me up is not taking any part of this. Honestly I think it just has to deal with him still caring about the only person he cared about in the world. In a way that makes me sad only for the fact that he will never care about me or about the baby. I'm not asking him to marry me, to be with me for the rest of life, or to even love me. I'm just asking him to be there and he won't even do that much. So if I were to keep this baby to raise I would have to do it on my own and they told me I would have to move out. I can't move out on my own and support this baby by myself I know people (single mothers do it) but I know if I do I'm completely on my own. I've made the decision that I'm gonna keep the baby till full term and give up for adoption but not to anyone. Maybe to one of my moms friends but we'll see what happens..off to class now